for Love in the Poconos:
To Look And Places To Avoid. Hint: Men Are Like Shad....
Places to Go, Places
We'll do this logically,
here's the plan:
Where: The spot,
the location, the exact epicenter of the action.
When: The best
time of the month, day, week and hour. After all, you're a busy
person, why sit someplace and wait for the action? Stay home feed
the cat, catch Boston Legal, arrive at just the right time.
Who: Who you're
most likely to meet. Age, education, and marital status. You'll
have to figure out the emotional baggage.
What: What they
are most likely to do for fun and career. Should we supply you with
income ranges, too?
How: How do you
approach him (or her) and expect to get the best results.
Where: The Lodge at Camelback
Ski Resort. Right up front, in front of the band, preferably on
the dance floor, center stage.
When: Any Saturday evening
in March. 6:37 PM.
Who: Girls will meet: 22-45
year old, usually single (but probably escaping their girlfriends),
a range of educational backgrounds from "ain't finished highschool"
to 12 years of medical school men. Careful, you can't tell the
difference from afar. (The powder suit is a great equalizer) Guys
will meet: 21-40 year old, physically active, probably single,
women with at least a college education (The urban, post feminist
movement has provided careers that allow for budgeting for shaped
skis and the very best Obermeyer stretch suits)
What: The guys are: The cutest
Firemen from NYC, a few Philadelphia Lawyers, and the always present,
perpetually tanned, ski instructors with tight quads. The girls:
Budweiser girls before they are "discovered", website
graphic design geeks (only the cute ones can get off to go skiing),
girlfriends of couch potatoes (home watching the game or "The
Simpsons") and Oh lala, The real, actual Captain Morgan girls.
How: Girls, the best hint
we can give you is to walk right up to him, lean over (he's probably
sitting on a stool, staring at the band), shout in his ear "You
are the best skier I've ever seen" and then act like you
saw him taking the bumps on "The Rocket" earlier in
the day. Guys, once you've muscled your way past the other sharks
and made sure (with a smile) that you were the one she was staring
at from across the room, just ask her to dance. She'll be so relieved
that she doesn't have to stand there talking to the guy with the
Long Island accent, that she'll probably go home with you.
- the food section. We'd suggest, at the lobster tank. You can stand
there and stare with impunity.
When: Either of
two times (depending upon the "type" you want to meet).
To meet the "b" type personality, go at 5:30pm on Thursday
or Friday. That's just after work. You'll find him/her doing the
compulsive weekly shopping. Lobster will not be on this type's list,
but to get to the lunchmeat and bread section they'll have to walk
right by you. To meet the "a" type personality, go at
3 am on a Saturday or Sunday morning. They'll probably be circling
the lobster tank considering whether to purchase a 2 1/2 pounder.
Who: Girls will
meet: 22-36 year old, single (though there's kids involved) men
with no, or up to 3 years of, university. (They dropped out to start
the family). Guys will meet: 18 to 54 year old, single/divorced
girls/women, college students to votech moms, (lots of hair dressers).
What: The girls
are: moms or single college students (Number of body piercings will
tell you who's who, 2 or less mom, 3 or more student). Beware, the
number can't always be determined fully clothed. The guys: (This
is too easy) Single/divorced dads or college students. The dads
usually wear loafers, the students Doc Martens.
How: The universally
accepted line is.. "Is that one male or female?"