Looking
for Love in the Poconos:
Places
To Look And Places To Avoid. Hint: Men Are Like Shad....
Places
to Go, Places to Avoid.
We'll
do this logically, here's the plan:
Where:
The spot, the location, the exact epicenter of the action.
When:
The best time of the month, day, week and hour. After
all, you're a busy person, why sit someplace and wait
for the action? Stay home feed the cat, catch Boston
Legal, arrive at just the right time.
Who:
Who you're most likely to meet. Age, education, and
marital status. You'll have to figure out the emotional
baggage.
What:
What they are most likely to do for fun and career.
Should we supply you with income ranges, too?
How:
How do you approach him (or her) and expect to get the
best results.
Location
#1:
Where:
The Lodge at Camelback Ski Resort. Right up front,
in front of the band, preferably on the dance floor,
center stage.
When: Any Saturday evening in March. 6:37 PM.
Who:
Girls will meet: 22-45 year old, usually single
(but probably escaping their girlfriends), a range
of educational backgrounds from "ain't finished
highschool" to 12 years of medical school men.
Careful, you can't tell the difference from afar.
(The powder suit is a great equalizer) Guys will meet:
21-40 year old, physically active, probably single,
women with at least a college education (The urban,
post feminist movement has provided careers that allow
for budgeting for shaped skis and the very best Obermeyer
stretch suits)
What:
The guys are: The cutest Firemen from NYC, a few Philadelphia
Lawyers, and the always present, perpetually tanned,
ski instructors with tight quads. The girls: Budweiser
girls before they are "discovered", website
graphic design geeks (only the cute ones can get off
to go skiing), girlfriends of couch potatoes (home
watching the game or "The Simpsons") and
Oh lala, The real, actual Captain Morgan girls.
How:
Girls, the best hint we can give you is to walk right
up to him, lean over (he's probably sitting on a stool,
staring at the band), shout in his ear "You are
the best skier I've ever seen" and then act like
you saw him taking the bumps on "The Rocket"
earlier in the day. Guys, once you've muscled your
way past the other sharks and made sure (with a smile)
that you were the one she was staring at from across
the room, just ask her to dance. She'll be so relieved
that she doesn't have to stand there talking to the
guy with the Long Island accent, that she'll probably
go home with you.
Location
#2
Where:
Walmart - the food section. We'd suggest, at the
lobster tank. You can stand there and stare with impunity.
When:
Either of two times (depending upon the "type"
you want to meet). To meet the "b" type personality,
go at 5:30pm on Thursday or Friday. That's just after
work. You'll find him/her doing the compulsive weekly
shopping. Lobster will not be on this type's list, but
to get to the lunchmeat and bread section they'll have
to walk right by you. To meet the "a" type
personality, go at 3 am on a Saturday or Sunday morning.
They'll probably be circling the lobster tank considering
whether to purchase a 2 1/2 pounder.
Who:
Girls will meet: 22-36 year old, single (though
there's kids involved) men with no, or up to 3 years
of, university. (They dropped out to start the family).
Guys will meet: 18 to 54 year old, single/divorced girls/women,
college students to votech moms, (lots of hair dressers).
What:
The girls are: moms or single college students (Number
of body piercings will tell you who's who, 2 or less
mom, 3 or more student). Beware, the number can't always
be determined fully clothed. The guys: (This is too
easy) Single/divorced dads or college students. The
dads usually wear loafers, the students Doc Martens.
How:
The universally accepted line is.. "Is that one
male or female?"
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